• Monique Renewed

How to Control Your Anger as a Teen

Anger is a result of hostility or rage sensing a situation is unfair or wrong.

The issue is sometimes we use our anger to hurt others instead of resolving the actual issue.

Our emotions serve a purpose believe it or not that can be used for good.

The way we respond to anger determines our level of emotional maturity.

Different Types of Anger

A. Do you respond by giving people the silent treatment or by being secretly revengeful and never properly explaining why you are angry?

This is passive-aggressiveness.

B. Do you respond by being explosive, yelling, throwing things, or physically harming people?

Fury and rage do more harm than anything.

Think of your emotions as messengers. They are there to tell you something.

Is our responsibility to respond and react appropriately.

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C. Using Anger to Tackle the Issue

Proverbs 14:29

People with understanding control her anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness.

The key to deal with any recurrent emotion that seems to have no resolve is understanding.

We have to get to the root cause of the anger.

When we have understanding, it allows us to approach the situation better.

For example, that girl that is bullying you out of nowhere in school probably has issues at home and is lashing out at you for some reason.

This by no means justifies her actions but you now understand the problem and can tackle the issue and not the person.

Approach the person with understanding and find a resolution.

The Root

It also helps to find connections to your upbringing as to why you get angry in particular instances.

A sure-fire way to bring out anger in me is when I feel taken advantage of.

I have realized that I have been taking advantage of many times in my childhood, therefore I will almost always react negatively to it now. This is called a trigger.

You may also want to consider generational occurrences of anger.

If you grew up in a household where fighting, yelling, or passive-aggressiveness is the norm to reacting to situations then how do you expect to respond any other way?

Three Action Steps to Managing Anger

1. Communicate

Do not suppress your anger until you can no longer hold it in.

The Bible says to hold it back not to hold it in. The way we do this is by proper confrontation.

Yes, confrontation. It is not always a negative thing.

You need to stop ignoring what’s making you angry and deal with it head-on.

Do this preferably at the beginning stages and not 10 trillion years later when the other party has already moved on...

Decide if the issue is important enough to even address it.

Hold back to yelling and cursing and aggressive tone.

Do you need help with gathering your thoughts so you won’t become explosive?

Write down what you are going to say on paper first.

Read it back to yourself and make the proper adjustments if needed. Then you can properly address the person.

2. Negotiate

You have to work with people. This is part of any healthy relationship you want to maintain.

Find a resolution that is fair to both all parties.

3. Forgive

Once the issue is resolved commit to not bringing it back up.

God does not bring up your past transgressions so don’t do the same thing to others.

If you said you forgave the person do not bring the same issue back up in future arguments or disagreements.

It shows that you have not truly forgiven them and still hold on to resentment.

If for some reason you guys were not able to negotiate a reasonable solution, still forgive the person.

This means you’re not holding any ill will against them in your heart.

This is not necessarily mean that the person is in the right or that your feelings are invalid, but sometimes it is better to wash your hands and let God deal with a problem when you’ve done everything in your power.

When you are accustomed to dealing with anger a certain way, it takes time to break out of those habits.

Once you take baby steps to manage your anger, commit to that momentum.

Over time it will be like second nature to deal with your emotions with maturity because you will not accept anything less.